he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
