That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
