I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize