Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You ate ashes out of my bong
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
