hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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