the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
