Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
