Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
