her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
