things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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