I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
