Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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