The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
