You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
