I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
