The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
