im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
