Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
