Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
