You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
