Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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