there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
