and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I need to calm my uterus...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
