why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
