Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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