Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You can't special order awesome
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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