I should be sponsored by Trojan
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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