is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
