TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
