So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
