My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
