You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
