I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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