Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You need a sexual gate keeper
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
