: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
