fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
