I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
my poor anus
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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