You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Life without a bra equals bliss.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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