i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I understand Curling. That high.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize