i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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