He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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