Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
