I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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