I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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