The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
