You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
