i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
