do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
