I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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