Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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