i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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