I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
