I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
