Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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