Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
