my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
