apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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