did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
