I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need a beard to bite.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
