Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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