I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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