I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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