Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
