we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
