So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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