I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
