That's intense
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
