When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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