I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
