Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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