I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
