I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
