im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
