It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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